I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
