Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
