It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
