If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
