FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
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just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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