Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
