i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
