Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
