just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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