Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize