Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
