someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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