Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
