A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
