I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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