Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.