Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you will always have a special place in my vag
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.