I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
