I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
True strength comes from lack of pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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