remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I booty called her while she was in labor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.