Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?