My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?