I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it