i don't like sucking hair
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.