Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm half single.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me it's the bottom half.

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  (617): I'm half single. (773): Please tell me it's the bottom half. http://tfl.nu/3fsx
  Replies (3) Good night (2422) Bad night (616)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...

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  (864): If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late... http://tfl.nu/m8kg
  Replies (2) Good night (1752) Bad night (634)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...

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  (561): i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots... http://tfl.nu/p2m9
  Replies (18) Good night (681) Bad night (2244)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up

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  (203): it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up http://tfl.nu/co6p
  Replies (64) Good night (689) Bad night (3623)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...

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  (610): Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon... http://tfl.nu/ozcp
  Replies (7) Good night (980) Bad night (5032)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.

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  (410): I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator. http://tfl.nu/m1m0
  Replies (10) Good night (1584) Bad night (3102)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

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  (330): Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in. http://tfl.nu/l5u1
  Replies (8) Good night (3708) Bad night (889)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

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  (606): at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk. http://tfl.nu/jf5g
  Replies (11) Good night (617) Bad night (3741)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.

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  (702): I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century. http://tfl.nu/3h7h
  Replies (18) Good night (781) Bad night (3104)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.

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  (320): Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later. http://tfl.nu/4ix3
  Replies (8) Good night (1371) Bad night (548)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning

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  (434): Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning http://tfl.nu/g13p
  Replies (4) Good night (1088) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'

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  (347): Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special' http://tfl.nu/d32s
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.

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  (+44): Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here. http://tfl.nu/lm5k
  Replies (0) Good night (695) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.

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  (607): His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death. http://tfl.nu/nfgi
  Replies (4) Good night (498) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.

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  (734): who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole. http://tfl.nu/be6n
  Replies (10) Good night (421) Bad night (322)

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