apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
