I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
