Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
