party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
