Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
