That's when you crack a 10am beer
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
