can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
