I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
