Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
