god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love you.
Bad choice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
