i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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