It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
