He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
