its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
