I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
