She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my nose is crying tears of wow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
