It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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