hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
