so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
