I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
