u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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