I just made out with a guy for $7.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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