There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
