Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
