Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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