I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
