the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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