thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
