Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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