i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
