yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
