So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
