Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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