ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
