dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
