Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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