I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
