i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
operation harelip BJ is a go
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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