I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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