Sober January is a disaster.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
