I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
