He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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