He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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