I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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