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does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
