i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
