college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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