i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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