I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
