I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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