ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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