He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
