He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
