Plan B is the new Plan A
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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