Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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